Then and Now: Knitting Edition

High school wasn't too long ago for me, but in some ways it feels like it was because my life is so different now than it was then. From the ages of 10 - 17 I was a student at the National Ballet School training for a career as a professional ballet dancer.

Me at 14:



My days were basically divided between commuting to Toronto from Brampton, taking academic classes, and doing a lot of ballet.

Here a typical day for me:

5:30 Wake up
6:45 Get driven to school by my poor father who commuted 4 hours a day for me
8:30 - 10 Academic classes
10:15 - 12:15 Ballet class
12:15 - 1:00 Lunch
1:00 - 4:00 Academic classes
4:15 - 6:00 Rehearsal/Pointe class/Variation class/Body Conditioning...
6:00 - 7:45 Drive home (my poor father)
7:45 - 10:30 Eat dinner, read, attempt to do homework
10:30 Sleep!

In ballet class with one of my favourite teachers:



Eventually the commuting became too much for me and in grade 10 I moved into residence. While that was a lot better since I didn't have to spend hours of my day travelling, living in residence had it's own stresses like having no privacy and living in an extremely small room.

Hanging out with one of my best friends in my residence room. I'm the one on the left:



I loved my school so much. My friends were wonderful (and not at all like the usual bitchy stereotypes of ballet dancers), my teachers were wonderful, I was receiving a fantastic arts education complete with visits to the symphony, art galleries, and of course the ballet, and I got to focus on the thing I loved more than anything: ballet. I can not tell you how much I loved ballet and how much I loved performing. I also received some wonderful opportunities like being chosen as part of a delegation from our school that went on a (free!) tour of Japan to perform.

Here's a few photos from my high school years.

Preparing for a performance:



As a Russian Courtier in The Nutcracker:



With all the other Family Scene girls from Nutcracker. I'm second from the right:



As a unicorn in Nutcracker. I'm the one crouched down on the left:



After a performance of Paquita. I'm on the left:



Enjoying the culinary delights of Japan (I wasn't very adventurous in high school when it came to food):



In our dressing room in Japan:



Warming up in the Green Room:



However, by the time I was in the middle of grade eleven I began to feel really burnt out and was dealing with a foot injury that still hasn't healed. The stresses of living away from home in an environment with no privacy and not much freedom were really starting to wear on me and I made the choice to take a break from the school at least for the rest of the year, with the understanding that I was more than welcome to come back for my final year.

Transfering to a new school in the middle of the school year wasn't the most fun, but I found that I really liked attending a normal school. I began to realize that ballet didn't have to be my whole world and that I wasn't worthless if I wasn't a ballet dancer. While I loved my school so much, this is my one criticism of the place. Being in such a specialized environment where every single person you know has the exact same goal as you can lead you to the warped belief that you are a failure at life if you do not achieve that goal. This was in no way literally communicated by the staff (who were wonderful and supportive people), but rather something I subconsciously picked up on and believed. It was only after I left that I realized how untrue this was.

I also came to realize that I could have happy moments in my life without ballet. While ballet certainly gave me a lot of pain both physically and mentally on occasion, it also gave me so many moments of complete and utter joy, and I was terrified that I would never be able to find that kind of happiness again.

At the end of the year I decided that staying at my new school and then eventually going to university was the best choice for me. An unexpected bonus was that I met this guy at my new school:



Us at our ever so classy "Moonlight in Venice" prom (we opted not to pose in the fake gondola they had available):



My Thoughts on Guys
I didn't have a lot of time for boys in high school. There weren't too many around at ballet school and frankly I didn't really have time to see anyone who wasn't a student at NBS. I did have a crush on Orlando Bloom in Lord of the Rings, which I now think is the funniest thing ever, especially since we had pretty similar hair.

Him:


Source

Me:



I think I figured I'd probably get married eventually, but it seemed like such a distant abstract possibility. I was much more concerned with things like turn out, increasing my ab strength, and getting roles in our Spring Showcase.

Once I left ballet school there were definitely a lot more guys around, but I think mutual shyness prevented me from meeting very many of them and I stayed single until I began dating Mr. Knitting a year after starting at his school. Even when we began dating I had no idea that I would eventually marry him because I thought it was only in movies that people married their first boyfriends. I was more used to how things worked on tv shows like Friends and Sex in the City (which I now realize is insane, but didn't when I was 17).


How I've Changed

In many ways I haven't changed a lot since high school, simply because it wasn't that long ago, but in other ways I have. I used to be much more concerned with my appearance. I think this was influenced both by teenage insecurity and by the fact that I went to a school where the point was to be as beautiful as possible. I loved makeup and wore a lot of it and would never consider going anywhere without make up on. Now I'm much more relaxed about the way I look and am pretty low maintenance when it comes to doing my hair and makeup. I'm just not nearly as concerned about the way I look anymore.

My attitude towards relationships definitely has changed. In high school I was so sheltered and inexperienced that I had a very unrealistic fairy tale idea of what relationships were like. I was interested in a grand romance and thought that a regular day to day relationship seemed like the most depressing thing ever. However, now that I'm in a relationship where we do things like buy toilet paper and argue over the dishes I realize how wrong I was. My relationship with Mr. Knitting is the greatest thing ever and I get to feel so loved every day of my life. It's so much better than any fairy tale 16 year old me could have dreamed up.